


What could have been and what can be

by schrijverr



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x13, Alternate Dean and Cas were married, Coda, Episode: s15e13 Destiny’s Child, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, M/M, Sam Winchester Knows, destiny's child, s15e13 coda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23724478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schrijverr/pseuds/schrijverr
Summary: Not every universe had a God rooting for them and not every universe is kind enough to return a fallen angel to the person, who loves him most. Our Team Free Will sees this firsthand when alternate Dean meets their Castiel.15x13 Destiny’s Child CODA
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 10
Kudos: 105





	What could have been and what can be

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who finally caught up with Supernatural?
> 
> It's me, I did, yay surprise!
> 
> Anyway, the moment I saw Destiny's Child this fic idea popped into my head and I wrote it the minute I was done with the episode. I hope you like it <3
> 
> You can find this work on my tumblr (@schrijverr) as well, so I hope you pop in and say hi!!

Their alternate selves were not at all like they expected themselves to be. They were rich, they didn’t like beer, they didn’t have an Impala and they loved John, a John who was still alive. You could say they were the opposite of them. They also never mentioned any of their other friends, no alternate Bobby, no Charlie, no Kevin, no Jody, no Garth and no Cas. It might be naive with the other alternate dimensions they had seen, but they just assumed that these Sam and Dean weren’t as well befriended or just didn’t know the alternate versions of their friends, if they existed at all. 

This line of reasoning made alternate Deans reaction to Cas so surprising.

They had just explained their situation to their counterparts when Castiel came into the room to inform them that Jack was packing the last of their stuff and they would be able to leave soon. The moment he rounded the corner, Deans eyes got wide and he shot up and when Castiel had reached the top of the stairs alternate Dean was right in front of him. He cupped Castiels cheeks with his hands and breathed: “Is it really you, Castiel?”

Castiel frowned as he cocked his head to the side and answered: “Yes, it is me, Dean.”

The moment he spoke, alternate Dean started crying and pulled him close to his chest as he sobbed. Sam and Dean shot alternate Sam a questioning look, but he only gave them a sorrowful smile back that didn’t answer much, but told them so much.

Meanwhile, Castiel had no clue how to reach to this Dean. His Dean wasn’t one for showing emotions and if he did it usually was nothing more then a few tears or an angry outburst. Castiel had no experience in comforting his friend in such a manner, but he did know how to hug and he was also familiar with Dean clinging to him. It reminded him of Purgatory. So, he hugged back awkwardly and looked at his own Dean with distress in the hope he would come and save him from this situation.

Luckily, Dean could read him very well, so he rushed forward and started to gently pull other Dean off Cas while he said: “That’s enough, buddy. Lets sit down for a second, okay? We’re going to sit and you’re going to tell us what got you so upset all of a sudden.”

They got alternate Dean settled on the table and Dean was about to back off and let himself be. (Wow, that was a weird thought). When the other Dean clung to him and said: “You may be poor, but know how much luckier you are than I.”

Dean pried his fingers out of his shirt and said: “Yeah, lets start with that. Why are you all weeping over Cas?”

Alternate Dean looked down and sniffled again. He looked up to meet Deans eyes and said: “I wasn’t lucky enough to see my Castiel live. He died and there was no God, who answered my prayers and no one willing to make a deal, no matter the price I offered. The love of my life died and stayed dead.”

Dean chocked on his spit and sputtered out: “Love of your life?”

For a second it was silent. The sound of nothing deafening the room.

It was Sam, who broke it and asked his alternate self: “Your Dean and Cas were together?”

Sam gave him a look and replied: “Yours weren’t? With the way they looked at each other on their wedding day, you think they’d be destined to be together no matter the situation. Or in this case, universe.”

Dean seemed to get back online as he spluttered: “Wedding day?”

Alternate Dean got a dreamy look on his face and he said: “Yes, it was magical. Cas was dressed in pure white and he was just, so, so beautiful. We got married in the small church in Lawrence Kansas and everyone was there. We had pie instead of a wedding cake. It honestly was the best day of my life.”

He sounded so wistful and heartbroken that everyone in the room needed a second to work around the lump in their throat. Sam carefully asked: “How did he die?”

“It was stupid.” Dean sighed, “And my fault too. I wanted to go on a solo hunt, for old time sake. Just us two, but it was a trap. Word got out, someone in the Corps told on us, we never figured out who. Instead of a vampire nest it were rogue angels, who had it out for us. We almost had it handled, but I was careless, I didn’t see one of them coming.” tears welled up in his eyes again and he went on with a tight voice, “He, he took the blade for me. He died, he died while giving me one last smile.”

The whole room was shocked, it seemed like even alternate Sam had never heard the story. Castiel quietly sat down next to alternate Dean and let him cry into his chest, while Cas shared a helpless look with his own Dean.

Dean was trying to imagine how that must have felt like for his counterpart, to loose the one he loved most. It might even be worse than loosing Sam, but he soon found that he didn’t have to imagine loosing Sam to try and relate to alternate Deans pain, just thinking of Cas was enough. He remembered all the times he lost him and how awful that had been and how scared and alone he had felt. To have that be permanent was a terrible idea. He finally said: “I’m sorry that happened to you. That must have been terrible, I almost can’t even imagine that pain. We have some picture books of all of us, you can look through those, while we’re out and we’ll be back before you know it.”

Alternate Deans head shot up and he clung tighter to Cas as he exclaimed: “No, you can’t go. You can’t leave me again.”

“We have to. There are lives on the line and I mean a lot of lives, so you’re gonna have to push your feelings aside for a moment and man up while we’re gone.” Dean said.

Sam sighed to himself. Dean had always been good at pushing his own needs and emotions aside for other people and it seemed like alternate him was no exception. He normally would push Dean to open up and especially about Castiel. (He had eyes, thank you very much, he could see how those two idiots had looked at each other for years). But Dean was right, there were bigger forces at play here and they couldn’t afford to let this opportunity slip. If he wanted to get on with the plan, however, he would have to interfere. So he said: “Why don’t you two stay here for a second and we’ll talk about it over there for a moment, okay.”

They could agree to that at least and soon they were out of earshot whispering to each other. Dean said: “I feel for the guy, really I do, but we have lives to save. Don’t tell me you’re picking his side, Sammy.”

“I’m not, Dean.” Sam told him, “But we need to find a way to make sure he sticks to the plan and right now, he isn’t in the head space to do so.”

“Well, what do you suggest then?” Dean shot back.

Before Sam could answer, Castiel said: “I could make them both forget me. We can go on with the plan and he looses his pain.”

Dean thought about for a second, pursing his lips, then he nodded and said: “Sounds good to me, lets go.”

Then he turned around and walked away. Castiel shot Sam a glance and when he gave him a resigned nod the angel trailed after Dean back to the other pair of brothers to erase their memory. Sam let his shoulders sag, he knew there was a lot Dean would rather forget and he probably saw this as a mercy, but he knew that good memories were worth the pain. Thinking of Jess hurt even after all these years, but her smile still turned up in his best dreams. He hated that he had to make these kind of decisions for the greater good, but for now there was nothing he could do, they had an Occultum to find, whatever or wherever that might be.

The car ride was strained and Dean and Cas barely dared to look at one another. Sam had expected this, but he felt bad for Jack, who had no clue what had happened between the two. Sam tried to signal with his eyes that he should let it be and he was grateful when the kid seemed to get the hint. There had been a lot of teasing and references to the relationship between Dean and Cas throughout the years, but none so unavoidable as this one. They would have to talk to get over this, something they had never been good at.

They parked the car Sam ushered Jack along to the back, leaving the two with a second for themselves. There were a couple of awkward seconds, before Castiel said: “You are not the alternate version of you, Dean. If what he told you bothers you then you do not have to listen. His universe isn’t this one and you are not the same person as he is.”

Dean nodded a bit to himself and swallowed as he tried to gather the courage to tell Cas something that had always been there, but couldn’t be avoided now. He asked softly: “What if we are the same? What if we are, but I can’t? Not now.”

The look of confusion Castiel gave him immersed him in familiarity and safety. Castiel asked him, a hint of hope present in his voice: “What do you mean with that, Dean?”

He was already going and he didn’t see the point in backing out now, so Dean said: “What if I feel the same about you as my alternate self does, but I can’t allow myself to have this new thing, a wonderful thing, because it will be a distraction we cannot use right now?”

He finally met Castiels eyes and the warmth that was in them calmed his heart so much he wondered why it had ever been racing. Castiel answered: “Well, then I’ll say that it was okay and that I would love to hear more and explore us when this whole mess with God is behind us.”

Dean gave him a shy smile back and gave him a quick hug, before clambering out the car as to not rouse suspicion with Sam and Jack. Castiel followed suit to the doors of the church, in the distance the Empty rumbled, angry that it could not take Cas yet, not while he was still so important. But that was far away and for now, they had work to do and a promise to live for.

**Author's Note:**

> If you left Kudos or a Comment I owe you my life and I am very grateful, thank you so much!


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